Start with a Bang

In my attempt to work my way through a wall of accumulated books (a small wall. A modest wall) I naturally decide to start with my most recent acquisition: A novel by Bradley T. Platt from the small publishing house Xlibris, entitled Deadstream. It is by far the most poorly-written book I have ever read. Apart from occasionally omitted apostrophes (which is sin enough) the tense changes constantly. The narrative is in past tense, but every scene of dialogue is in present. Either this is a really bizarre and ineffective choice, a casualty of trying to overhaul an entire draft from one tense to another (with grave oversights), or neither author nor editor knows the rules of tense. In certain instances, the tense changes midsentence. "...she says in disbelief as she felt the words blurt out." (56) This is the sort of thing that gets ironed out in a peer workshop for a 100-level creative writing class. I will also point out how poorly that same passage is phrased. How do you feel words blurt out? And do words even blurt? I'd say a person blurts words: words don't blurt themselves. This book is full of irritating errors like this.

It was the low-quality British literature being shipped overseas the the New World that upset James Fenimore Cooper into becoming the first American-born novelist, and look what that made him: famous enough for American couples 200 years later to name their sons Cooper. Perhaps in the year 2200, "Harpe" will be a mildly popular boys name, and all because I spitefully wrote a response to a book I didn't like.

One can hope.

It was my grandmother who lent me this book, which deals with heroin trafficking into Michigan through Canada and a boy whose mother commits suicide. I think it was the fact that the author is Michigan-born and living in Chicago that made my grandma think of me. This is what I take away from reading it: if this can get published, anyone can get anything published if they are persistent.

In Here's the Kicker: Conversations with 21 Top Humor Writers on their Craft by Mike Sacks, Ben Karlin (writer for the Daily Show and the Colbert Report) writes, "The best advice I ever received was from my first boss at the Onion. He believed you needed three things to be successful in comedy, but I think it applies to almost anything. First, you need natural talent. Second, you need skill development. Third, you need ambition. Everyone's ratio is different, but the most successful people have all of them. It helps to have a fourth thing, too, but I don't know what it is." (147) Maybe it's good grammar.