Mr. Sammykins

CAST:

Janice - woman in her late 30's. Desperately lonely
Brett - co-worker
Andrew - co-worker

(All employees are sitting at desks facing front. They are fielding phone calls quietly. This is some horrible office situation where presumably all anyone ever does is redirect phone calls and wish to be dead or fired.)

(Janice's phone rings)

Janice: Hello you've reached Monumentall, inc., this is Janice speaking, how can I serve you today? ...  Oh hello mother! ... Oh it's been fine, been fine over here. ... No, should be home no later'n usual, be able to catch all of our shows tonight. ... Uh-huh. ... No that's fine, what do we need? ... Uh-huh ok, milk... yeahss... corn bread mix... alright... swiffer refills. ... dry or wet jet?.... dry or wet jet?... dry or wet jet?.... mmmk I'll just pick up some of both.   Mmmk is that it?  (sudden change of voice) Oh does wittle Mr. Sammykins need new kitty cat litter?  Uh-oh.  Doesn't Mr. Sammykins have anywhere to put his poopies?  Oh no!  Oh no!  Yeah, put him on. ...  Hello.  ... Hello Mr Sammykins... Hello Mr. Sammykins... Hi... Hi... Hi... yeah...  Oh yeah?...  Oh yeah?...   is this your mommy?  Yeah... yeah it's your mommy.  Is this your mommy, Mr. Sammykins?  Yeah... Oh yeah?... Oh yeah?  Then what?...  Oh really?  Did she say that? ... Who said that? ... Did gramma say that? ... Uh - huh ? ... She did!  Oh no! Well what did you say? ... Really? ... Really? ...  She did not... Well what did you do?  (she listens for a really long time)  You didn't!  ...  Mr. Sammykins!  Mr. Sammykins, I only wish I were as brave as you are. Yeah.  Yeah, Mr. Sammykins, you.  I wanna be just like you! Just like you Mr. Sammykins! No, I won't tell her anything. No, I won't tell her you said anything. Ok. ... Ok, Mr. Sammykins. I love you too, Mr. Sammykins. Yeah, put her back on. No, I won't tell her you said anything.  Ok, bye.  (beat. No very knowingly) Hi, mom... yeah. Uh-huh, sure sounds like everything's going pretty well over there, huh?  Oh really?  Well did you and Mr. Sammykins have any difficulties today? Oh, I don't know... anything.  Any... altercations?  Ah-ha, no, nothing at all.  Well, I'll be off then. ... Ok, see you soon mom. Yuh-huh. Ok, I love you too.

(She hangs up. Gathers her stuff, and while avoiding acknowledgment from anyone in the room, she slinks away)

(Beat)

Brett: Damn, that bitch is CRAzy.

Andrew: (taking out his earphones) What's that?

Brett: This Janice lady. She's completely nuts!

Andrew: Oh, that. Yeah, but she's totally harmless. Just ignore her. Or get some of these (his headphones)

Brett: She's always been like this?

Andrew: As long as I've been here. (he puts his headphones back on.  Stops) Some people say she's gotten worse since her mom and cat died in that murder-suicide. (he shrugs, puts on his headphones)