Two-Man Sketch Show

Cast

GILBERT and KEN - young sketch duo

(lights up on a stage)

Gilbert: Hey everybody we're Gilbert and Ken-

Ken: Well, you're Gilbert. I'm Ken!

Gilbert: Wait I thought I was Ken!

Ken: We're gonna do some sketch comedy for you tonight!

Gilbert: Our first scene takes place in the Merry old land of England!

(the two of them take way too much time to set up two chairs and sit in them. They are supposed to be driving in a car in England.)

Ken: Well, Jerry, I sure am satisfied that we decided to take this summer holiday to England!

Gilbert: So am I, Mark! And boy do we ever deserve it! We;ve been working a few too many long hours down at the old work, if you know what I mean!

Ken: Do I ever! But there's one thing I don't understand! Why are everybody driving on the wrong side of the road!

(Gilbert air-swerves the fake steering wheel incredibly ostentatiously and makes a silly Oh! face)

Gilbert: Wait a minute! I think that they drive on the opposite side of the road here in old Londontown!

Ken: Well you'd better pull over and get yourself a British car!

(they get up and scurry around to the next 'scene.' Ken runs back stage to get into his next costume. Takes his time about it. Meanwhile, Gilbert patiently waits on stage totally out-of-character. After a long time. Ken emerges with some really inexplicable costume pieces. Just weird hats or wigs maybe a fake mustache and a different shirt and a tacky sports coat. Maybe he changed his shoes which is totally unnecessary.)

Ken: (in an accent that blends French and Italian and maybe Dominican but stays pretty clear of English) Hello, are you a visitor here in Londontown?

Gilbert: I am, and I'm looking for one of your cars that drives on the opposite side of the road.... How crazy!

Ken: Oh of course, I think I have just the thing for you! Mademoiselle!

(Gilbert runs offstage and takes plenty long changing into this costume. He comes out in tights and a skirt and high heels. Maybe he has breasts somehow. Even though this sort of extreme costume piece is pretty funny, he does not act any differently. Still everything they do is very calm and presentational)

Gilbert: Ah, oui, Monsieur!

Ken: This gentleman is interested in buying an automobile!

Gilbert: Oh, well you'll have to talk to the district manager about that!

(Ken runs off. He is off for a very long time. Eventually, Gilbert walks over to the curtain in his high heels. He pulls back the curtain.)

Gilbert: (to audience) He's killed himself.

(He turns back to the wing, looking down. Lights fade painfully slowly)